well, i'd rather be physically knocked out, but spilling with pride and satisfaction, than mentally and emotionally dampened and staying stagnant at the pit of helplessness. understatement, no?

it's been a long while since i truly smiled to myself. it's been a longer while since i saw positivism in the things i do. feels like i'm missing myself in this leg of life's journey. relationships that i once took pride in, i miss too. attempting to mend them would be fruitless cos we've all moved on too far ahead in life to remain the same, like how we used to be. but i've come to realise, it is really myself that i miss the most.

there is no point blaming circumstances for the changes that's taking place in here. neither is there relevance of accusing others of "messing with my mind". cos ultimately, deep down inside, i know for a fact that every thoughts and emotions that run through is a result of the way I choose to think, feel and react. i could only count on myself to allow joy, or pain to occur.

easier said than done, of course.

i've been submerging myself in fictional characters' lives, staying close to them right up to their happy endings. cos they always do end up happy no matter how deep their scars run; probably the best form of escapism i could lay on myself. but i know that denying reality, it won't get me far. it would soon be time to pick myself up once again, and learn to stand strong on my own. without a doubt, there would be rejections, lies, disappointments and hurt up ahead. but like i said, i have myself to count on. and i've always truly believed, whatever gets thrown my way, is meant for me to grow stronger with.

god bless.

on a similar note, i thank god for girlfriends.



thank you for that afternoon out, ladies. and Happy 25th, J & M.. :)